By David Ettinger

Unfortunate Cliché
I was listening to the radio as a prominent pastor told his congregation: “I want to see more smiles on your faces. You are such a grumpy bunch; no wonder the unsaved are not attracted to Christianity.”
I winced at this morsel of clichéd regurgitation I have frequently heard. What irks me so much about this accusation is the allegation that the congregation’s unpleasantness is the reason why more people don’t come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
To be sure, believers are called to live a life of love and good works. John 13:34-35 says: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
And this is what I have seen in the churches I have attended. I have found the overwhelming majority of people to be friendly, caring, loving, and welcoming. And yet, in these very churches I have heard pastors haul out the tired old rebuke regarding their flocks’ lack of friendliness. Though I have great respect for the work pastors do, I am at odds with them when they dust off this overused refrain.

Wrongly Blamed
Christians are trapped in physical bodies and will often behave in a fleshly manner. We come to church in a bad mood, not feeling up to par, or worried or sad, and this sometimes causes us to act unlovingly. But is dwindling attendance our fault?
I believe most pastors’ frustrations lie in the fact that they faithfully preach their hearts out, and can’t understand why either their congregations are either shrinking or not growing. Sometimes, out of irritation or resentment, they blame the flock. “If only you were nicer, if only you were friendlier, visitors would come back and become a part of us.”
Is this correct? Will mere niceness and friendliness grow the flock?
On the Contrary …
Biblically speaking, the opposite is true. If we as believers are truly living out our faith, we will kindle far more enmity and loathing than goodwill and cheerfulness. Jesus tells us: “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” (John 15:19).

Because believers do not belong to this Satan-controlled world, Jesus tells us: “You will be hated by everyone because of me” (Matthew 10:22). Jesus warns believers in the end-times: “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me” (Matthew 24:9). And, Jesus says of His disciples: “I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world” (John 17:14).
This is what believers are up against, therefore, churches are getting smaller; it is rarely the fault of congregations for not being nice. The spiritual realities are far more complicated than that.
Do Your Part
Despite these sobering truths, God wants you to do your part. Some examples:
* “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).
* “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).
* “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
* “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect …” (1 Peter 3:15).
Do these things as best as you can and trust God. Regarding your church’s failure to grow and the accusation that it is your grumpy congregation’s fault … take it with a grain of salt; your pastor is just venting some very understandable frustration.
Lisa Beth
May 1, 2019
I agree with your points here. I personally dislike when pastors compel us, “if someone doesn’t have a smile, turn to them and give them yours!” I never see superficial overtures in the Bible in fact, much of what was preached and drew a crowd was not nice. “You brood of vipers!” and “Stop sinning or something worse will happen to you”… The ‘happy-clappy’ mentality does not attract folks that are suffering from the ‘wages of sin’ or the calamities of life. Good post brother.
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
Well said, Lisa Beth. I totally concur.
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mrsmariposa2014
May 1, 2019
Thank you! Between this excellent post and Lisa Beth, all my thoughts on the matter are stated for me. Blessings on you both!
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
Hah! Glad we made it easy for you, Marisa!!!
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My Way Home Life
May 1, 2019
Definitely, the issue of dwindling church attendance is not all due to members’ negative attitudes. However, I can personally attest that it is off-putting to attend a church as a visitor (as we did years ago when seeking our current church) and sense a lack of enthusiasm from the members, as well as very little welcome. Why would we consider a return visit to a church like that? As well, why should I expect a visitor to return to my church if I do not welcome him or her with a smile and word of encouragement? I agree with what you are saying in essence, but I also feel it is necessary to reveal to fellow Christians (and the rest of the world) the first two fruits of the Spirit: love and joy. For me, coming into church with a morose attitude as a regular occurrence would be selfish.
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
I agree, and I’ve experienced some of that. But most evangelical churches I’ve been to have had nice people. Also, by nature, I’m not that sensitive if someone doesn’t greet me, so long as the message is strong and someone smiles my way, I’m good. Thanks so much for your insights!
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My Way Home Life
May 1, 2019
Thank you for sharing further comments, David. I agree, most churches do have kind and well-meaning people, thankfully!
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heavensreef
May 1, 2019
Great point David! I guess I am very blessed with a Church that says we are just ordinary people with an extraordinary GOD. Our Pastor says we are all sinners and we should feel when we come through the doors, that we can be happy or sad but most of all: authentic!! Our Church is growing in leaps and bounds right now, but also our Pastor preaches line by line from the BIBLE. We have been in 1st Corinthians for a full year!!
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
Sounds like you hit the jackpot, Maxine!
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heavensreef
May 1, 2019
I pinch myself every Sunday when I walk into this Church!!
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seekingdivineperspective
May 1, 2019
Yes, authentic! I’d rather have someone tell me honestly that they’re going through a struggle than see a fake “happy Jesus” smile. 😉
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
Agreed!
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heavensreef
May 1, 2019
Amen…..so agree!! You should be able to be authentic with your Church family.
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seekingdivineperspective
May 1, 2019
“If we as believers are truly living out our faith, we will kindle far more enmity and loathing than goodwill and cheerfulness.” Good point. If we’re doing everything we can see to do, we shouldn’t be asking ourselves “What am I doing wrong?” (Something I have a tendency to do – blame myself for things that don’t even have to do with me. [eye roll]
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dettinger47
May 1, 2019
I find it so much more fun to blame others!!! (Tongue in cheek activated for this comment.)
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Vincent S Artale Jr
May 1, 2019
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
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